Learn to perfect the art of saying a gentle 'no' in business.

This blog is a clarion call to all founders and entrepreneurs to start exercising a little gentleness towards themselves. To start looking after themselves. To start creating the space they need to rest and grow. To perfect the art of saying a gentle no.

Too often I work with people who find it difficult to say no. Who stretch themselves beyond limits. Who make sure that their clients are served, their partners are served, their children, dogs, parents and friends are served before they serve to their own needs.

Who worry saying no is a weakness, or as a snub to the person they are saying no to, or that if they say no who knows when the next opportunity might come around?

Looking after ourselves should be our number one priority. If you fall ill from over stretching yourself, from burnout, what happens then? At worst your income plummets, your business falters and you can’t look after the people who need you.

The opposite of no is yes. It’s Ying and Yang. When you are saying no to something you are always saying yes to something else.

If you say no to that client who drives you up the wall, you are saying yes to a new client coming along that you love working with.

If you say no to that opportunity offered to you are saying yes to a little space, time to reflect and a moment of pause.

Every no has a yes hidden behind it.

If you say yes to things you don’t want or don’t have the time to do, think about what you’re actually saying no to?

I want you to imagine that you have a little knapsack, or tool box slung over your shoulder and in that box or bag are answers you can give when you just can’t do it, for whatever reasons.

In that bag you can have things like; ‘I can’t right now, but please consider me in the future’, It’s got to be a no from me’, ‘That’s such a generous offer, but I don’t have the time to do that right now’. Whatever it is you need to say. Practice the art of the gentle no, which means being gentle to ourselves.

Have a think about what you would have in your knapsack. Responses easy to come up with in any situation.

And if you’re not sure. Pause. You very rarely have to give a response straight away. You can sleep on it. You can tell people you need time to think, look at your schedule, talk to someone about it. And in fact the bigger the decision the more time you should pause.

Don’t fall into the trap that you have to give a response then and there. Practise pausing.

I think we’re taught that saying no is weak. That it’s a negative. That we’ll let people down.

But we can learn from the Olympian Simone Biles that saying no has power. That there is strength behind saying no. Even under the most extreme circumstances. No is always an option. https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2021/jul/30/my-mind-and-body-are-not-in-sync-simone-biles-opens-up-on-problems

If Simone can say a no, not right now to competing for her team in the Olympics, when all the world is watching, when her country the United States is willing her to get gold, we can all say no.

It takes courage and strength to say no.

And remember behind every no there is a yes just waiting to be found.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash