Are you guilty of self-sabotage?

Not sure if you’re guilty of self-sabotage in your business. Here’s a little flavour of how it can rear its ugly head and derail the very thing you’re trying to do.

10 ways you can self-sabotage

Procrastination – so you put off doing what you know you need to get done
Not looking after yourself (not enough sleep, too much wine!)
Overloading yourself and saying yes to everything, so you can’t fully complete anything or burnout
Not really trying hard enough – so if you fail you can say you didn’t really try
Not turning up to events, or turning up late
Getting into an argument or conflict so create some drama just when you need to be composed
Perfectionism – never being able to complete or launch because it’s never ready
Worry – about the future, about the past about the now, until stops you taking action and you give into fear (read this 4 ways to deal with your negative thoughts and Are you letting fear get in the way)
Imposter syndrome – not believing in yourself and playing down your abilities (read this Save yourself from Procrastination and manage your time!)
Letting those mind monkeys take control and giving into negative self-talk

I can already feel a few nods and ah ha’s. Because do you know what? You’re only human and you’re flawed and it’s difficult being 110% great all the time – in fact it’s near on pretty impossible.

Now, of course, I’m so guilty of all these things are different times – but when I really get into self-sabotaging I tend to do it in big blow-up ways – because why do anything in moderation?

Here’s a flavour of my big scale self-sabotaging over the years.

So I’ve sabotaged my A-levels by going out the night before, sabotaged holidays by arguing with partners, sabotaged my one and only trip of a lifetime out of Europe to New Zealand by carrying cannabis in my shoe (it took my another 16 years to have my first holiday outside of Europe), sabotaging a job I enjoyed by letting my idiot boss get to me and throwing a stapler at his head.

And finally, this week sabotaging my newly claimed title of UK’s Digital Woman of The Year (yes, thank you for all your lovely comments) by getting into a spat with another woman in digital over Facebook. Not the encouraging sisterhood actions you would expect from UK’s Digital Women of the Year.

So why do we self-sabotage?

Well we do it for all sorts of reasons. And the first step to recovery (yes I’m sure we can rid ourselves of some elements of this – so all is not lost!) is to recognise that you do it in the first place.

Maybe one day you’ll have a lightbulb moment like me? Perhaps you’ve just had it?

The 1 reason you self-sabotage

You don’t really believe you deserve success, money, fame – when life is tip top, you might just throw a spanner in the works to bring yourself back down to where you believe you should be. Think of them as self-limiting beliefs!

Now there are others – but they really do all boil down to this one thing, self-limiting beliefs. Unless you just love the drama and the ensuing confusion that falls around you. But even that then boils back down to self-limiting beliefs and self-sabotage. Why would you make like harder for yourself?

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is you do it to yourself, just you
You and no-one else
You do it to yourself
You do it to yourself

Radiohead definitely knew a thing or two when they were writing that song.

So what can you and I do about our self-sabotaging behaviours?

The first step is noticing that you do it in the first place. If you have no self-awareness you can’t move on. So maybe take a step back look through your life and recent events and work out when and where you throw the spanner in the works and do it to yourself.

Ask yourself some questions:

Is there something I’ve been longing to do and not quite got there?
When life is good, have I been known to upset the apple cart?
Are there certain triggers that pop up for you?
Are you constantly struggling with no real reason behind it?
How do you deal with stress in your life?
Are there patterns in your fears and self-limiting beliefs that keep popping up?

Next give yourself some love. You’re only human. We all fuck up occasionally. Your life isn’t over and there is still plenty of time for you to work on yourself and get that success you deserve.

Be kind to your brain. Even if it is giving you a hard time. It’s hard wired to keep you safe, even if it does do it in strange and not always helpful ways.

Get comfy dealing with your fears. Get a journal and start writing it all down. You will soon start to notice patterns in your thoughts and behaviours.

Get enough sleep, don’t drink too much, don’t overload yourself, eat well, allow yourself time out and moment of pause to enjoy the little pleasure in life.

Re-frame your negative beliefs. Ask yourself if what you believe is actually true? And then work out what is true.

Allow yourself to have moments of success, you deserve them.

Start writing down new ways to think about yourself ‘I do deserve success and happiness’, ‘I am a good and wonderful person’, ‘I am loved and loveable’.

Build your self-esteem and reflect on how far you’ve come and all that you’ve got to proud of. Read through some of those amazing testimonials.

I was so proud to be given the title of Digital Women of the Year. But even at the time I was thinking ‘I’m not sure I deserve this, I not always that polite to shop keepers’. I mean what a bizarre thing to be running through my head?

I think I got the award mostly for the honesty and integrity with which I run my business, the hardships I’ve overcome and my unfaltering belief that happens lies in having freedom and freedom for women is having access to wealth we’ve created ourselves, and the best way to do that is through being our own boss.

Also of course for writing the award-winning toolkit with the University of Nottingham and my work in the community. But I think it's mostly for my saying 'how it is' approach to life.

I do really hope that sharing my story helps you even 1% of your journey to greatness and I’m committed to making success a given for the fabulous clients I’ve worked with.

Much love to you and your funky head x