Life couldn’t be more different for me than it was in 2009. This time 10 years ago I had just finished chemotherapy and had no hair (anywhere!). Robin was 1 we lived in a small 2 up 2 down, with my friend Kim who lived on a sofa bed in the living room. We were living on income support and various pots of money from cancer charities and I watered down milk to save money (which my friend Kim really hated!)
I wasn’t sure I would work again, and if I did think about working earning £20k a year felt like it would be millions. I never thought I’d be in the position to own a house, in fact for a long time over this past decade I was scared to own a house, in case the cancer came back and I couldn’t pay the mortgage. At least if you rent, benefits will mostly cover it.
The past 10 years for me have been all about picking myself up and building on my confidence. Not only confidence in my abilities to do things, but confidence that my body wouldn’t let me down.
And it’s not always been an easy ride.
I will happily stand in front of people talking and teaching them what I know now. But when I first started talking to an audience I would be shaking and scared and would feel that everyone who stared at me that little bit too long, was thinking what an idiot I was. It took me a long time to realise that the words I was thinking they were saying, were actually my words.
Things like ‘who does she think she is’ and ‘she doesn’t know anything’ and ‘what a show-off’ were actually words I was thinking. They were my words and I was just passing them off as other peoples. Learning that gave me a big shift.
I also spent a lot of time worrying about what people thought of me. I thought people could see straight through me. I thought they could take one look at me and make judgements. And I thought what they were seeing wasn’t good.
I thought they could see the struggle and the poverty and the depression. But they couldn’t. I reckon they just saw a young woman doing it for herself.
The first time I went to a woman in business conference, I had to take myself off for a cry in the toilets. I felt like I didn’t belong and that these lovely middle-class women, with children who played the harp were judging me.
The only one who was judging me, was me.
I feel really emotional writing this down. As building a business from scratch and trying to make it work and convince people to believe in me has not always been the easiest thing to do.
And what I’ve mostly learned over these past 10 years is that the only thing getting in my way was me.
Everyone else is too busy worrying about their own stuff to worry about what I’m doing.
Being a human is hard. My inner voice still tries to put the brakes on me. But I’m learning not to listen quite as much, and to be brave and go out there and do my thing.
Because I have a mission and I have a job to do. And because people keep listening and believing in me, so I better get out there and say what I have to say.
I want to support as many women as possible to believe in themselves and create their dream businesses. To be Indie Freedom Seekers. I want to share my skills and support you to be financially independent. To pay your own way. And not have to waver when buying a simple mascara because it might break the bank, or put extra marshmallows on your daughter’s hot chocolate, or buy that dream holiday and have the experience of a lifetime.
Today my life is so different. I own my own home, I have a car, I don’t have cancer, my daughter is a growing into a confident young woman, I get asked to speak at events, I have a partner who loves me, I’m always booked up with clients, my Indie Freedom Seekers community is growing, I have several saving accounts and money in the bank and I have a pension!
If I had listened to these voices in my head and not worked on the one thing that has given me all of this I wouldn’t be where I am today. Confidence is not to be overrated. And is can be worked on. And it is something that grows over time.
Here’s to the next 10 years. I’m so looking forward to the 20’s and I hope you’re on the journey with me x
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