Why is imposter syndrome so common and what to do about it
Why is imposter syndrome so common? I’m going to share a secret with you here, everyone I’ve ever worked with has imposter syndrome. I have it. Clients I have who run businesses all their lives have it. People who have won Dragon’s Den have it. Those coaches who make 7 figures and are uber-successful have it (I sat at a table once with 3 heavy hitters and was so shocked to hear them doubting themselves and comparing themselves to others!).
What is imposter syndrome and how does it rear its ugly head.
Imposter syndrome is the fear that you're not good enough, that you’ll get found out, that you won’t be able to deliver the goods, that there are others who are better equipped to do the job.
It’s that deep feeling in your gut, throat and heart that pulls you back from stepping out. From charging what you're worth. From being visible. From pitching to that client. From applying for that award. From going up and speaking to that person.
It rears its head in so many ways.
It makes us play small and doubt our skills and makes us want to hide.
It makes us feel that we don’t belong. That you are a fraud and that you don’t deserve your accomplishments.
Apparently, 70% of us have imposter syndrome – but I would hazard a guess that it’s more like 99%. I’ve never met or worked with someone who didn’t have it in some way
It’s the reason we launched the My Way Project and created our first My Way toolkit. Research from my co-creator Dr Isobel O’Neill found that women didn’t feel legitimate in the entrepreneurial space and our toolkit was in direct response to this. To support women to build their businesses their way. To define their own version of success. And to rail against the prescribed view of what an entrepreneur looks like. You can download your free copy of the toolkit here.
Where did the term Imposter Syndrome come from?
Funnily enough Imposter Syndrome was birthed the year before me in 1978 by two psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. They saw imposter syndrome as people feeling that their success were because of luck rather than skill or qualifications.
Does that ring true for you?
Dr. Valerie Young in her book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women broke imposter syndrome down into 5 different groups.
Which of these fits you? You may even fit into a few of these groups.
The Perfectionist – you have such high expectations of yourself, that even a small mistake makes you question yourself and feel like a failure.
The Superwoman/man – you work all the hours, never taking a break or a holiday and feel the pressure to succeed at everything – otherwise you can’t be very good at anything.
The Natural Genius – you’re used to things coming easily and breezed through college and university, so when something comes at you that is hard, or you don’t master it the first time you feel shame or doubt.
The Soloist – doing everything on your own and never ask for help? Could you be a soloist?
The Expert – are you always on the lookout for more courses and more qualifications thinking that when you get this last ‘thing’ you’ll be ready?
The added pressure of social media on Imposter Syndrome
Today in our always ‘on’ lives, we’re constantly given opportunities to compare ourselves to others. To see others successes and look back at what we’re doing and wonder why we aren’t as successful as them? Or why our success doesn’t come as effortlessly as theirs appears to? Or why we aren’t as motivated as they are.
It can be exhausting, let’s be honest!
And we know that people only show their most polished selves. No one is posting up pictures of themselves in tears when they’ve argued with their partner. Or posting when they wake up and they just can’t see to get motivated. Or posting when they have just lost a contract or a client.
We know that deep down and yet we still look through our rose-tinted glasses and wonder why our lives aren’t quite a beautiful and seamless as theirs.
So what can we do about imposter syndrome?
Dr. young of the book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Woman has come up with 10 steps to overcome Imposter Syndrome that’s well worth a look at https://impostorsyndrome.com/10-steps-overcome-impostor/. Here’s what has helped me and my clients.
Get it out in the open
The more we talk about our imposter syndrome. The more we share how very human we all are, the less power it has over us. If most people have it and men and women have it equally then just knowing it’s part of the human condition makes it easier to cope with.
Naming and shaming it is key. Get your feelings out. When you feel it rearing its head get your journal and write down your feelings. Go for a walk. Sit with those feelings. Don’t try and brush them away. Really dig into what’s happening with you and honour those feelings. Talk to someone about how you are feeling.
Accept that we all make mistakes
Mistake and failure are as much a part of life as success and winning. If you’re not making mistakes along the way the chances are you’re probably not really trying.
Being brave and putting yourself out there means you’re trying. You’re stepping into the unknown. As long as you’re learning as you go, that’s what it’s really all about. Share your mistakes as much as your successes, people will love you for it.
Who do you want to be instead?
We’re all busy looking at what we’re not doing right, or what we could be doing more of. Instead focus on the positive. Who do you want to be instead? What qualities do you need to be successful? What shoes do you need to step into to achieve the things you want to achieve?
We all know the saying fake it until you make it. And putting on your big girl pants.
You can’t wait to be confident and have everything in place before you make the next move. Confidence comes through doing. So just start doing!
Let’s be clear Nike was onto something with it’s slogan ‘Just do it’ Something I talk about in this blog post, The Benefits of Just Doing It.
Ask yourself who would you be without this thought? What would you be able to achieve?
Give yourself the gift of time and space
We’re not meant to be doing all of the time. Your success is not measured by how little you sleep or how few days annual leave you gift yourself.
Pausing and creating space for boredom is just as important as doing. Boredom creates space for creativity. We all now know that Newton discovered gravity during lockdown.
So stop. Just stop. The chances are you’ll be a lot more productive if you give yourself the gift of doing nothing for a while.
Ask yourself is this true?
Our brains are wired so that when we think something we automatically think it’s true. Big mistake. Our brains are often not our best friends.
Next time you think something that makes you think less of yourself. Ask yourself is this true? Is this absolutely true?
Identify any blocks
Do you need to make any changes to your environment or your daily habits and behaviours to help you? Could a better nights sleep, a morning walk, a slash of red lipstick, a healthy diet support you to feel good about yourself?
Visualise success
What does success look like to you? Imagine yourself crossing the finishing line as athletes do. Define what success means to you. Not to everyone else on Instagram, but to you. About to give a presentation and you’re bricking it? Visualise how you’re going to feel after the presentation when you step off the stage. Focus on what you want!
Celebrate your successes!
This is number one. We can be all so busy moving onto the next thing we can forget to remember how far we’ve come and to celebrate the wins as we go along. Did something good today, what can you do to celebrate?
It could be a long candlelit bath, a new pair of shoes, a walk with a friend, a bottle of bubbly.
Don’t let the good times just pass you by. Make the most of them!
Obviously you’re not going to read this and think - pah Imposter Syndrome be gone. It’s something we’re all dealing with a lot of the time. But the more you can come to recognise it for what it is and the more you can create a space for yourself to feel good about yourself, the easy it will be.
You’re not alone with this. And you are beautifully flawed. We all are.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
